he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk is not a location!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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