man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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