Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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