The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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