He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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