I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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