You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
