I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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