Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
