she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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