stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
