in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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