I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
