In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
