The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
