...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Houston, we have a squirter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
