dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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