I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
