It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
