I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
