what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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