Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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