Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
