My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
