I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
