I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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