So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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