Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
