she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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