You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i believe in u and ur pee
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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