I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
