They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
