I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
