in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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