Where is the hickey?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
