today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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