So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize