I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
