is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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