Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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