just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Text me some of your sweat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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