Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
