Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
