She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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