Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
