im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
