I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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