Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
