I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
