No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
