he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
