I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
