I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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