She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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