Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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