When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
