Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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