thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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