I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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