someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize