my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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