he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
