The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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