I will die if light touches me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
