that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
