Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
