I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
