i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
