watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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