...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
