the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
