I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Alive.
So much puke
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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