I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
