Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
