I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
