She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
