As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
