is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
