Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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